A letter

Dear my future girlfriend (I hope you exist :I),

There are a few things about me that you should probably know. So, here goes;

I won’t know how to behave for a while, because the things I should have learned in my late teens went unlearned. This means I’m going to need to learn them with you instead, which… should be fun?

Things like the kind of compromise it takes to make a relationship work, and how to communicate my feelings for the sake of someone else’ happiness, instead of just bottling everything up to make myself look tougher than I really am. It also means that I may miss one of two signals you send my way, so please be patient as the cogs in my noggin do their thing. On the bright side I am a quick learner, so I’m sure the epiphanies will come sooner rather than later.

I’m awkward when it comes to expressing my emotions, and I hate the thought of someone seeing me cry. This will probably lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings when I don’t say the things I should be saying, or when I don’t act in a way that conveys what I’m actually feeling inside. Rest assured though; if I don’t say the thing it’s probably because I’m afraid to, and not because I don’t feel the thing. But once I start saying it I won’t stop.

I don’t do things to deliberately hurt other people, but I am only (an extremely inexperienced) human, and sometimes I can be a bit dense, and daft, and awkward, and clumsy, and sometimes my foot likes to live in my mouth. I’ll definitely  probably fuck up sometimes, but I’m not a mean person, so if I ever do something that hurts you: PLEASE tell me – I promise I’ll make it up to you.

I’m not selfish, but I have gotten used to being on my own. I’ll need some time to adjust to being in someone else’ company in such an intimate way. Though once you break through my shell your next challenge will be working out how to get rid lol.

It’s probable that I may panic at least once as we get to know each other. It’ll probably happen when I realize I want to kiss you, or you want to kiss me. Or it will probably happen when the topic of sex crops up. Or it’ll probably happen when I realize I’ve fallen in love with you, or that you love me. Panic when I think I’ve said something to hurt you. Panic over how much we’re texting. Panic over holding your hand. Panic over… it will probably happen more than once. I’ll deal.

In the past I’v been told that I’m a bit of an ‘ice queen’, but this is only because I’m nervous around new people, or when the group is bigger than about 4. In reality I’m a soppy mess. I watch YouTube videos of soldiers coming home to their kids/dogs – and cry. Other things that make me cry: births, thinking about time, Disney films, captive whales, free whales, captive animals being rescued, pet animals being rescued, Welsh lullabies, whales… a lot of things really. You probably won’t ever see this though :/

It will look like I can’t take compliments. They make me feel embarrassed and shy, but I do appreciate them. Giving compliments is also awkward for the exact same reason. This is something I’ll be working on, but just because I don’t say it doesn’t mean I don’t think your hair looks nice, that your voice is lovely, that you look pretty/dapper/cool in today’s outfit, or that I think you’re the best in the world. K?

I’m romantic, but unfortunately; also deathly afraid of embarrassing myself. In other words I will constantly be dying to do something really doofy to show you I care, whilst simultaneously restraining myself out of a fear that you will laugh at me. I WILL do doofy things. But I might not stick around to see your reaction, at least for the first couple of doofages.

I get sad sometimes for no apparent reason. It’s no ones fault. I’ll try not to let it affect you.

I will do whatever I can to make you happy.

I also come with a free cat*

2015-07-16 19.34.37

This is the first letter. I’ll write more when I think of moar stoof!

Yours,

xXx

 

P.S. If you ever catch me staring off in to space rest assured that I’m not thinking about another woman – it’s probably zombies, or chocolate, or Christmas, or whether our current cats would get on with that one I spotted on preloved.com earlier. OR, ya know: you.

P.P.S. I will love you so much!

*Customer notice: any Girlfriend/s that come with a promotional Free Cat, must be returned with that Free Cat to receive a full refund.

 

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16 thoughts on “A letter

    1. Oh! Btw (if you even see this comment) I’ve been wondering about you while watching the news over the weekend. I’ve seen images of the devastation the floods have caused in Cumbria, but the news only ever mentions Scotland. I hope things are ok where yo are!

      Like

  1. This is a beautiful letter. I’m sniffling because of this cold. Really.

    One hopeful thought: I used to hate crying in front of people, too. These days I don’t give a rat’s. It may be that way for you, or better: you may find it isn’t that way with your girlfriend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know where my hatred of crying in front of people came from. Far from being a sign of strength it actually holds a person back from expressing genuine sadness or even joy! It also means grieving alone, or no one noticing that someone is suffering and needs help.

      So yeah, I hope I do get over this eventually – especially if I find someone to be with.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope for her sake that she’s not the cause o.o

        In all seriousness though, it’s a really nice thought – that you can get to the point where you are comfortable enough to share your feelings like that – it must be nice 🙂

        Like

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