Warning! Embarrassing sex stuff ahead! :I
I believe I have vaginismus, as I can’t insert a tampon or even have a pap smear (it hurt so much the nurse stopped the exam before it could be completed), but I’m also a lesbian, which means that penetrative sex is optional for me.
However, my friend told me that I would never be able to fully enjoy sex if penetration wasn’t involved. She told me about vaginal dilators and suggested giving them a go. Now, I’ve looked at the… umm… things , and I have to say they look scary as heck to me (especially the last one! O.O).
I’m still a virgin, so don’t know much about what it’s like to have sex with another person. I’ve never had trouble having orgasms before, but I really don’t want to miss out on a fulfilling sex life, or more importantly; cause any future partner to miss out on a fulfilling sex life, due to my problem.
I guess my question is: is the vaginal dilation program worth doing even though penetrative sex is completely optional? Will my sex life be affected by this even though I will never sleep with someone with a penis?
Please help! I’m really torn with what to do.
This is a message I left on a sexual health website quite a few months back. At the time this subject was really playing on my mind for some reason, and I just couldn’t find any decent information relating to the importance of penetrative sex in lesbian relationships (well, info that didn’t revolve around the whole ‘some lesbians have dicks‘ malarkey anyway – in other words; no info relevant to me). So the only thing I could think of was to ask around and get (experienced) people’s responses. Along with this message on the sexual health website I also asked two people on Tumblr; a midwife who answers people’s sex related questions, and a lesbian radfem.
The midwife never answered my question, and though I can’t say for sure, I think it probably had something to do with me equating lesbian sex with dickless sex, which as we all know is considered a sin to the trans cult – which she appears to be a supporter of.
The lesbian radfem gave a rather hopeful answer, which was followed by several other hopeful answers from her followers. The answer, iirc, was something along the lines of;
*touch yourself to get to know what you like
*Don’t worry about penetration, as a lot of other lesbians don’t like it either
*don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable
This simple yet pretty solid advice left me feeling better about my situation, but as the months have gone on I’ve seen things that have made me reevaluate:
- I’ve seen a few different lesbians express how much they enjoy using sex toys to penetrate their partners
- I’ve heard/read about how many women (hets, bisexuals, and lesbians) enjoy penetrative sex.
- And have seen a lot of women say that penetrative sex is the most pleasurable type of sex for them.
Now, as I said in the above message, I really don’t want to miss out on having a fulfilling sex life**, and more importantly; I hate the thought of depriving a partner of a fulfilling sex life because of my problem. I really have nothing against the idea of using dilators to ‘fix’ the problem (except for the price of the fucking things!!!), I’m just trying to work out if it would be worth the hassle and potential pain, or not.
Therefore(!), I have some questions that I’m going to ask here, in the hope that maybe some nice lesbians will be kind enough to be brutally honest with me on this subject (I know there are a lot of lesbians on this site, even if only like 2 ever read anything I post on here XD);
1 – Is penetrating a partner (strap-ons etc.) a big deal for many lesbians, especially certain types of lesbians, e.g. the more dominant women (which I seem to be more attracted to)? Are there lesbians who would be put off getting with a woman if they couldn’t penetrate her during sex? If so, are they in the minority, or the majority?
2 – Is penetrative sex really that good?
3 – Can there be a fulfilling sex life without penetration?
I know this is a REALLY embarrassing subject, but I’d be really grateful for any answers I can get.
*like fucking Fort Knox! Double entendres ftw!!! XD
**Yeah, I know I’m kinda jumping the gun here, what with me not even having a partner to have a fulfilling sex-life with, but I’d rather ask these questions now instead of crossing that bridge when (if) I get to it, because… well, just because 😛